For example, I managed to help escort one of my goddaughters to her first day of kindergarten. I also have another goddaughter who has just started high school, so the bookends fit nicely—although I imagine the less I know about what the older girl is up to, then the happier I’ll be.
Walking along with her parents to the classroom, I complimented our new student on her dress. She beamed, and told me that once Daddy is in charge of clothes, we’ll probably revert to t-shirts and jeans.
I was overcome with jealousy. It was only much later in life that I finally achieved the ‘t-shirt and jeans’ uniform that is the staple of most men until their senior years. During my younger years, I was the victim of my mother’s “Back to School Clothes Sale” syndrome. It’s defined as a parent’s need to purchase overly cute clothes (without a shred of cool) in preparation of the new school year.
It’s an ailment that I imagine many of you are familiar with. Either you are afflicted with the same problem, or you were an innocent bystander of a loved one with the same disease. If anyone would care to begin a telethon or golf tournament to raise funds to support the afflicted—sign me up.
There are photos of my being sent off to school in matching brown corduroy slacks and blazer—it was the 1970s, but still. All I needed was a bit of a flare at the cuff and I would have been ready for my own guest appearance on "The Love Boat."
Looking through my old school pictures, you can see the course of the disease. Photos from the beginning of the year are very…cute, and you can see my visible distress at the turtlenecks or matching plaid shorts and button-down shirts. It’s a seasonal disease with flare-ups around Christmas as the holiday sweaters are purchased with glee, but symptoms seem to ease around spring—when most children revert to dressing in whatever’s comfortable.
Buying slightly embarrassing clothes for your kids is completely forgivable. However, as your children grow a little bit older—start taking their own wishes into account. For better or worse, they’ll be dressing themselves and buying their own clothes eventually, leaving you years of disapproval.
Given my own family’s foibles and quirks, I don’t normally assume that my childhood was the same as everyone else’s. However, I feel pretty sure that everyone had the final blowup with their parents—"No, I’m just not going to wear that." I think I was in college at the time.
I’m too old to shop at the Disney Store and if I walk in with a "Hello Kitty" windbreaker, I deserve all of the inevitable abuse that I’ll receive.
A severe sufferer of “Back to School Clothes Sale” syndrome, my mother and I had yelling, screaming fights in the young men's section of every department store in Northern Virginia. I eventually wore her down and she turned over back to school clothes shopping duties to my father—who honestly could not have cared less. A big fan of t-shirts with obscene sayings, he encouraged that I find some as he headed off to the electronics section and instructed that I find him when I was finished.
Unfortunately, after that, all my poor fashion choices were my own fault.
–John L. Geddie
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