I’d like to take a moment and give thanks that we live in a day and age were cookie dough is considered acceptable as food.
Like most of you, I suffered through a childhood where cookie dough was only a shameful secret. Only on those occasions when my mother did decide to make homemade cookies was the opportunity even available to steal a taste of this combination of eggs, flour, sugar and butter. Just the listing of ingredients sounds like the things we’ve been told are bad for us over the years.
In retrospect, it must be somewhat frustrating for a mother to slave away making the admittedly delicious golden brown cookies, only to have your children more excited about licking the spoon used to mix the ingredients.
In evaluating my request to eat the cookie dough, I’m sure my mother was thinking, “How impatient can you be?” I imagine that it was with a touch of bitterness that Mom would say, “Well, yes you can lick the bowl, but you’ll probably get salmonella, and die.”
For those who believe sarcasm to have a genetic root, I can assure you that I had it on both sides.
It says something about the quality taste experience of cookie dough that the possibility of death through food poisoning seemed an adequate trade-off. The statement did raise some concerns for a child about the safety of the cookies once completed, as well. It is not actually intuitive for the young that ten minutes in the oven magically makes cookie dough into perfectly safe cookies. If they were in fact death-cookies, then why was she making them anyway?
Despite her looking down on my desire to run off with the cookie dough batter, I have a secret belief that part of the reason my mother discouraged my eating it is that she wanted it all for herself. This led to a strange mental scenario where she sat around making cookies all day when I was at school and never saved me any. I checked under her bed for the telltale mixing bowls to no avail, but she was very crafty and covered her trail well.
“Don’t cry. Just lick the spoon and the cookies will be ready in a few minutes.”
Without a doubt, part of the reason that I’m a fan of cookie dough today is that in my mind it’s forbidden. Shameful and dangerous, they’re like cigarettes or Japanese Puffer Fish. Yes, it’s likely to kill you, but doesn’t that mean you should try to enjoy it even more if it’s to be your last meal? Speaking of which, I wonder how many death row inmates request cookie dough for their last meal.
In any case, I had assumed that cookie dough was one of those things that I would have to abandon as I grew older—one of the childish things that the Bible told us we have to put away. Society’s desire for ready-made food seemed to say no.
Not long after college, I was making my way through the grocery store and it came upon me that I should try to make cookies. Now, generally my attempts at cooking are dangerous from both a health and fire safety perspective, but this has never stopped me. Making my way through the dairy aisle, I came across a sausage-shaped roll of cookie dough. Such a thing used to be reserved only for dreams and cheap holiday gifts from those with more cooking space than time to shop.
I immediately bought it. It sat in my refrigerator for several days while my conscience fought me. It was meant for cookies–not for snacking, said the little angel on my shoulder.
However, from my other shoulder came a grim, gravelly voice noting that since it was shaped like a sausage, surely it was intended to be treated as such—just cut off a slice whenever you need a snack.
In the end, I split the difference. I snacked on half while the other half was reserved for cookies. It is only in this way that gorging on cookies seems like taking the healthy option. Please note that I have only done this once or twice. This type of moral quandary can be a little exhausting when all I was really looking for was a snack between meals.
Since then, the world has changed. Over the last ten or twelve years, different companies have recognized the forbidden glory that is cookie dough.
Say it with me…cookie dough ice cream. It’s a wonderful thing. Just thinking about it makes causes my belt to tighten, strain and finally snap.
Most recently, I’ve come to learn that the grocery store and movie theater are now selling cookie dough candy, basically chunks of cookie dough covered in chocolate. I ordered a bag at my last trip to the movies. It was a bit dry, but I loyally swallowed them up for “research purposes.” At this rate, I’ll end up wearing a muumuu by Christmas.
It says something about our society that what was once forbidden is now mass marketed. Then again, now that it isn’t forbidden—I discover that the taste is not quite as good as I remembered. After this last bit of bingeing, I’m not prepared to fast again and put away this bittersweet remembrance of things past. I mentioned as much to my mother over dinner last week.
“It’s just as well. I don’t care what they say about processing, you’ll probably get salmonella.”
And just like that, it was forbidden again. I excused myself early and made my way to the grocery store.
–John L. Geddie
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John: What a fantastic article. I was nodding the whole time. Only now, try to see as if you were a mother (yes, I know it's a stretch, but you seem like the creative type). You're a good Mom. You're making them homemade chocolate cookies. Your kids want the dough. You ALSO want the dough. But you're Supposed to tell your children No. Secretly you WANT to tell your children No, but only so there will be more for you when they're not looking. It's even more forbidden because you absolutely can Not let your children catch you doing it when you told them No, or Ok, but just a little bit you might get sick. Devilishly good... the stuff and your writing about it! Thanks for the laugh.